The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Less talking, more tequila
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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