You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
