3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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