you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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