what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
