people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
