This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
