u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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