I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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