i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
