Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So much rum. So many feels.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
