i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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