she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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