And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
