Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
