whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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