No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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