Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
