Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
