girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
