dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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