Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
