Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
