Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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