At least make sure they are 18
Why
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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