Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I love having hate sex.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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