can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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