6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
