Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
