Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
