he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
