fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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