I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize