garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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