I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
