My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize