On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
