plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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