I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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