Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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