Her vagina should come with caution tape.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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