I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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