Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I am naked and annoyed.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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