My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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