I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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