MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
