I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
