Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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