a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
