goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
