At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
