My nipple is on Facebook.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
