I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
