Soap is not a condiment
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
