I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I could make wine with my vomit
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
