Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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