There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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