Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
