You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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