The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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