I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
