A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
