haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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