Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
