it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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