Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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