I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
