so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
