It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
