for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
